BROKEN VESSEL

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life is so overrated 

they say a lot about it 

it is sweet, joyful blah blah blah

but actually it is not, it is dull and it's not fair and it sucks

I mean they say ones twenties are the best years in the whole life, if those are the best I don't want to see the worst.

in the past I've endured life knowing that there is something better is hidden out there, just for me, no one can take it away, because my name is on it, it's my fate or my right, call it what you want but I really believed it.

and then it hit me, I finally understood, there is nothing out there for me, not for you, not for anyone

I've hated myself most of my life for being me, at first I didn't like my personality very much, when I decided to do something about it to make life better, to take what is out there and is mine, I started to hate myself for having my body, not the way I look, I don't care very much how I look like, we don't get to choose what we look like and since I was young I learnt that looking good is not something to be proud of, and not having the looks in the family is nothing to be ashamed of either; I hated my body though because it is weak.

every time I go to the doctor, he would tell me that there is nothing wrong with me, but you know what there hell is something wrong with me; when you are unable to do the most basic things in life just because you get tired and exhausted so fast is not normal, when going to work feels like torture to your body it is not normal, 

and when I'm in my twenties and I feel pain from the waist down all the time, that sucks

when you wish every day for the sweet release of death and it always eludes you, that's frustrating.

Words

I haven't posted anything in here for ages :(

I hate it when I can't find words to write

or when I have too many things on my mind but the words fail me.

"I was a warrior who dreamed he could bring peace...but sooner or later though, you always have to wake up" Jake Sulley - Avatar

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الواحد فى مجال

Software development

بيقابل نوعين من الناس (طبعا دول اللى هما مش فى نفس المجال معانا)

اول نوع ده بقى فاكر ان اللى بيعمل برنامج قدامه ده ساحر

يعزّم على الكود و كل اللى نفسه فيه يتعمل

كده توماتيكى توماتيكى

مايفهمش بقى ان حاجه ممكن تتعمل وان حاجه ماينفعش

النوع التانى بقى برده فاكر ان اللى قدامه ده ساحر

اى حاجه الواحد بيعملها جامده و مش ممكن و بينبهر بيها

ده مش ممكن ده هايل

فعلا باحس ان ساحر واقف و عمال يعمل حاجات والناس واقفه بتسقف

يعنى هو مافيش وسط

شيلوا التنانين اللى هنا

فيه نظريات بتقول ان (software developer) اصله تنين
بس ماحدش قدر يثبت صحه هذه النظريات الى الان
بس فيه جهود حثيثه انهم يثبتوا النظريه دى
و محدش يتذاكى و يطلع يقولى يعنى ايه حثيثه دى علشان هاقوله يعنى هى دى اللى انت اعترضت عليها فى كل الكلام اللى فات ده

المهم احد هذه الجهود ان الواحد مننا ياخد Task يخلص فى 4 ايام مثلا و يلاقى الmanager بيقوله خلصه النهارده
ماهو لو التاسك خلص يبقى انت تنين
اللى محيرهم لحد دلوقتى ان الواحد مننا ساعات بيخلص التاسك دى فى يوم و نص بدل اربعه
فهما احتاروا
اللى قدامهم ده تنين ولا بنى ادم عادى
ماهو لو تنين كان خلص فى اليوم
ولو بنى ادم مش هيلحق يخلصهم قبل الاربع ايام
و فى الاخر قدروا يوصلوا لحل وسط

وهو ان ال(software developer) اصله طحلب

شكر خاص لزميلى M.Adel صاحب نظريه ان الانسان اصله تنين